Let's not turn our minds away from this. The glamour, the glitz, the booming economy mean nothing to these two women (and many more) who are preyed upon for dowry. Let's not be so smug in our achievement that we forget basic human rights.
The deeper root of dowry is the lack of women's education. If a boy doesn't study Engineering or Medicine, he is considered a failure. After all, how will he provide for the family? But a girl is not encouraged to academic achievement, they are rather trained to be good housewives, discouraged from being financially independent. Subliminally, girls are repeatedly told that their marriage is not something they can have a say in. (Unless they are over educated, in which case they're spoiling their own chances at marriage.) This has got to change. The problem of dowry exists because a girl isn't expected to be skilled at the time of marriage. Her education and job prospects don't figure into the equation, either because she isn't educated, or is not allowed to work after the marriage.
All this is specific to the poor or the rural setting. Things are changing in the cities and among the educated, but even here, dowry isn't completely absent.
Let's eradicate dowry in our lifetime. हम मिल कर दहेज की प्रथा को मिटा सकते हैं ।
[ Clarification on Wednesday, March 26 2008: What is specific to the poor or rural settings is the lack of women's education.
Dowry itself is rampant, and perhaps the worst when the groom is educated, accomplished, and believes that he must exact his worth from the bride's family. The only glimmer of hope is among marriages out of love, or marriages between working professionals, where the wife has equal rights as the husband.
Dowry is rampant, and it is a rare marriage where it isn't involved. If the marriage was arranged, dowry was involved. Despite the rhetoric, and the illegality, little has been done to combat it.
Educated, rich people see nothing wrong in accepting dowry, and that is what makes this practice all the more shameful.]
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6 comments:
"All this is specific to the poor or the rural setting."
Well, this is far from "the truth about India" that the blog claims to be talking about. The situation is just as bad if not worse in the urban middle class and the rich. Even those typical educated globe-trotting IT yuppies who you think would be sensible, go ahead and proudly claim dowry to be their janm siddha adhikar just because they happen to belong to one gender.
And about education, sure not educating women is a large part of the problem. But then, irrespective of whether a woman is able to earn or not, she is expected to keep the house clean, produce kids, do everything that's expected of a wife. Yet, her family must pay for her upkeep as this job never pays and also tough luck that you happen to be born with the wrong gender.
I meant that the problem of educating the girl child was specific to the poor or rural areas. Among the middle class, not educating girls has a social stigma attached, a very welcome social stigma.
You're right in that the rich, the educated, and the annoying yuppie types also willingly accept dowry, if not downright demand it.
My point was that it is in this group there is some change, mostly due to love marriages (and marriages among working adults).
If the bride was as educated as the groom, these rigidly defined roles would possibly decrease: making us less likely to demand housewives to clean the house, cook food, and raise children without acknowledging the value of these tasks.
hi
why should i not take dowry?
i earn 15 lacs per annum in india, as soon as i get married my wife starts to earn 7.5 lacs per annum (50% of my income).
so in order for marriage to be an alliance of equals, either she should earn as much as i do or bring dowry with her to compensate for the earning difference between us!
Anonymous: Here's why you shouldn't take dowry...
1. Accepting dowry, you are admitting that the woman is much worse than you, and needs to bring in money to equalize the difference. In that case, why not look for a better bride?
2. Even if she does bring dowry, will it be equal to exactly half. I'm guessing you are about 23-26 years old, and have 25 good earning years. At 25 * 15 lakh, she would need to bring in about Rs.375 lakh. I really doubt you'd get that. So even by your own estimate, you're getting cheated.
3. If you earn a lot, and your wife has no skills that are worth anything, isn't the marriage doomed anyway?
Your point is good: that you've worked hard and deserve some compensation. My point is that money is the worst compensation that you can ask for. Even if you wife doesn't earn anything, if she is skilled, educated and honest, that is worth much more than the dowry she gets with her.
1. I am not saying she is worse than me. She is good, so am I. I would give her love and respect, she would also give me love and respect. Talking about financial assets, if they become equal after marriage, why should the girl not bring equal assets into marriage?
2. If I was expecting around 37 lacs of dowry, will that be fine according to you?
3. No marriage is not doomed just bec one person earns and the other does not. If the wife is honest etc, I am honest too. Other things being equal, why should I share my wealth financially while the other person is not contributing financially.
Marriage is an alliance. After marriage, the two partners become equal. Hence it is just fair that they both bring equal assets into the alliance. Is it not?
Please allow me to add a 4th point here:
4. I have a sister. We are the only 2 children. I will give dowry to my sister when she gets married - because I am not a bad guy. I believe in gender equality. I believe that my father's wealth is to be equally shared between me and my sister!
OK. This whoever anonymous is a nuisance!!! One, you should be not given a chance to even open your mouth after you think dowry is acceptable. Dude, get a grip. How can you measure equality by money? If you have shamelessly taken dowry, then you are a nasty tiny prick for sure.
I called off a relationship, because the GUY was amazingly sure just like you. Had 'certain' expectations, and then when he heard my family does not believe in this dowry business, he started to talk about how I am a compromise. Well, heck! He is the compromise and asked him to get out. Pricks like you, deserve this. A simple "get out of my life" is the perfet answer to your greed.
All those whoever read this post, taking, giving or even expecting dowry is illegal! Clearly, if you have the slightest thought of a financial kick out of a relationship, you should be behind bars.
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